Sunday, December 28, 2014

Blooming...

What is this flower blooming,
opening inside of me?
Each velvet petal unfolding,
each unfolding and opening,
one by one,
exposing the velvet color
of the space inside.
Trying to open enough,
to empty itself,
to make enough space,
so you will stay,
and fill it with your scent,
and the sound of your breathing,
your laughter and your voice,
with the warmth of your body,
and the smiles you give when I have pleased you.
Each layer unfolding outward,
exposing the space made empty,
the space you occupy,
the space you leave behind.

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Oh Holy Night revised

Oh Holy Night…revised to reflect my hope for this world…

Oh Holy night, the stars are brightly shining,
Is this the night Love’s Light shall return?
Long lay the world in grief and darkness pining,
Til Light appears and the soul knows its worth.

A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn’
Fall on your knees, Oh hear the voices singing,
Oh night Divine, Oh night of Light’s return,
Oh night Divine, Oh night, Oh night Divine.

May we learn to love one another,
The Light is Love and its child is Peace.
Chains shall break for the slave is our brother,
And in Love’s name all oppression shall cease.

Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
May all among us learn to live in peace,
Love is the Law; Oh may it reign forever,
Oh night Divine, Oh night of Light’s return,
Oh night Divine, Oh night, Oh night Divine.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Sacraments

Cooking is a sacred act.

I have not cooked for anyone in years.

I have been a woman excommunicated,

exiled from my own humanity.

No one breaks bread at this table, 

no one sleeps in this bed,

no one wakes to roses,

and the scent of cinnamon,

and blackberries 

in a bowl on the kitchen table.

No one showers while I drink coffee on Sunday morning.


This body, my body,

is broken like bread,

is made holy by your hands,

is made sacred with your mouth.

Your lips, my sacraments,

like the berries in the bowl,

fill my mouth with the divine.


Your breath warms me,

like the breath of God,

breathing life into this body.

Your hands bless me,

your touch makes me human,

makes me woman,

restores me to communion,

with God.

Monday, October 13, 2014

Highway...

I stand in the shadows under a dark sky,
watching the trucks and cars drive past from left to right,
a flat, straight highway going south. 
Their lights moving past at a constant speed,
I could be ten states away by morning.

Each moving farther and farther away from this place, 
already there are three hours behind me.
There is nothing to hold me here. 
I would be ten states away by morning.

Nothing but the pain I feel,
my anger and the desire
to cut you open and to see you hurt.
I would be ten states away by morning.

I rage at you,
for undoing my carefully built boxes,
and the locks I have kept in place for so long.
for breaking open this heart.
for making me feel.

I watch the lights go past,
I could be ten states away by morning.

I could catch a ride to anywhere,
away from the people who touch me,
away from the pain I will feel,
and live my life,
with this heart locked safely away.

I will be ten states away by morning.
and lock up the boxes,
and be free of this heart that insists on awakening.

I would be ten states away by morning.
but even now it fights me,
to feel the pain I know is coming,
to let you push me under,
and drown if that is what I must do.

I would be ten states away by morning,
but this heart binds me with its magick,

and my feet carry me back inside.

Friday, October 10, 2014

I place my hands upon your skin...


I place my hands upon your skin,

And I feel the life in you,

Bright shining

Like the Sun on a summer morning.

It warms my skin in turn,

It seeps into my blood,

Pleasure coursing through my veins,

Liquid light,

Flowing through my body,

And into my bones,

Filling my belly and my brain,

Sinking deep into my soul,

 Seeking depths unknown,

Slipping between and

Beneath the shadows,

Burning darkness into ash,

With light so bright it hurts,

Like blood rushing into flesh long numb,

Fire burning into a heart long cold,

I place my hands upon your skin,

And I feel the light in you…

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

breaking bottles: on a day at the faire

breaking bottles: on a day at the faire

a twenty dollar bill handed to me with instructions
keep breaking them until this is spent
you must break them with intent
you must make noise when you break them

waiting in line with my brothers and my beloved teacher
opening the box I keep it in
easier than I thought it would be
taking it out and holding it
too easy…

I choose a white plate,
perfect for holding the food I did not want to eat
“Smiles “written in black on the smooth clean surface
for the smiles my mother wanted, for her unease with my sorrow
for the lessons in hiding anything that makes others uncomfortable

I scream as I throw it against the concrete wall,
my voice is forced, awkward, so too is the action
no power from a body unaccustomed to such an overt act

next is an artifact from childhood
my brother used to collect the round glass insulators
my father would bring home
from working on the telephone lines

that irony informed my sense of humor
the man who taught me silence
belonged to the Communications Workers Local

“Silence” written upon it
it takes three tries to break it

each time I scream, 
it robs me of strength
too much effort towards sound that only draws attention
does not accomplish anything

words have power
written in black on objects to be destroyed

for the silence of his anger
three days of not being seen

for the way he taught me to keep silence
for the lessons in not showing what you feel

for the silence they wanted instead of truth

no one in my family tells stories
no one writes poetry
but we all keep secrets

I gave up screaming
and my body discovered strength and power
and how to put my weight behind the action

the bottles flying in a graceful arch, like the crest of a wave
crashing upon the beach
shattering into pieces against a wall as hard as my heart
with a sound like the bomb inside me exploding
destroying that which was written upon it in black letters

“Compliance” for the years I gave away
for the lies I told to keep their peace
for the fights I never fought
for delivering my power into the hands of others

“Fear” for the chances I never took
for all the times I stayed timid and small
to make everyone feel safe but me

“Doubt” for the way I learned not to trust anyone
especially not my own mind, or heart, or magick

“Secrets” for the things we don’t talk about…

“Shame” for depression
for submission
for desire

“Good Girl” for never being one
for wishing I could be
for never being called one
for wishing someone would…
just once

“Expectations” for never really knowing what they are
for never being able to meet them
for always trying to anyway
for failing every time

“Ice Princess” for every blind and stupid idiot
who ever looked at me
and decided that was what I am
and for every time I believed them

"Unworthy” for the dreams that I still have
that tell me I have been judged
that I can never be good enough
to be loved

the last bottle in pieces

putting it back in the box where I keep it
is not so easy…

Sunday, August 31, 2014

the Coming of Winter...

Winter is coming
and you will be quitting me soon...

I know this fact
every moment of every day...

Each day the beast draws closer
with each breath, with each beat
with the fall of each night
the day becomes shorter
the darkness grows and
the silence creeps closer...

It stalks me
watching and waiting for the moment
that moment when you will touch me for the last time...

The cold silence waits for me
it waits until you are gone
it waits for that moment
to wrap its cold, dark silence around me
to hold me untouched, cold and silent
all through the long dark months...

I can feel it closing in on me
and I want to scream...

No you cannot take me!
I am Warm and Alive!
I hold Fire inside me!

But no matter how I rage against it
no matter how hard I beat my fists against the tomb
no matter...

I cannot escape 
the coming of Winter.

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Let me...

Let me laugh, let me dream; let me be a child…

Let me grow, let me learn; let me burn like wild…

Let me work, let me play; let me have some fun…

Let me run, let me roam; let me have freedom…

Let me live, let me love; let me do my thing…

Let me dance, let me give; I have a song to sing!

June 1977  my first poem  age 11

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

the price

the price we sold ourselves for
was never the nine pieces of tarnished silver in the kitchen drawer
four knives, two forks and three spoons…

it wasn't the pair of used sneakers two sizes too big for our feet
or two pairs of cast-off jeans
and three worn-out t-shirts that we wore all week
clean or not, ‘cause maybe they didn’t get washed
but they were all we had to wear in January…

or the greasy popcorn we ate for a week
‘cause there was nothing else in the place

it wasn’t the broken bone
that never healed right
‘cause she couldn’t be bothered
to take us back to the doctor…

or the looks from our teachers and our classmates
that said they could see our darkness
and it made them nervous …

it wasn’t the hand that never touched our hair
or the eyes that looked right through us
like we were never even there
or the words of pride that our ears never heard...

or the touch we craved like addicts

it wasn’t the anger that filled our bellies
or the guilt we felt for always wanting more...

or all the things we did
to buy oblivion instead…

it wasn’t the time we spent on our knees begging
or the years spent quiet, timid and small
trying to kill our own strength...

locking our anger
fear, rage, pain and need
inside our bellies...

keeping our heart encased in ice
‘til it turned stone cold and hollow 
unshed tears freezing and falling
building a glacier against hope...

hoping it would die silently
so not to make anyone uneasy…

it was never the choices that we made
to deliver our power into the hands of the careless…

the price we sold ourselves for
was the belief that we could never be
good enough to deserve better…

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Lunae Memoriae

My Lady sails through silver sky,
Her pale skin, a shade of light,
She glows in brilliant radiance, my lover faire.

With gentle grace she wanders through the night,
Her gossamer gown flows ‘round about her feet,
Her footsteps leaving stardust in her path.

She sings with laughter, starlight song,
Her voice, a gentle shining mist,
Whispering the mystery.

Her soft touch, cool as evening aire,
Her kisses shimmer on my skin,
Gifts of music, soft and sweet.

Dancing through eternity,
My lover faire,
My Lady of sweet memory.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

To the Queen of the Abyss…

Once upon a time, you were brilliant and beautiful.
Full of power and blessed with privilege,
You danced upon the stage of life,
full-glorious in the light, admired by all.
Desiring all that you could see,
All that you desired was yours.

Vain and entitled, life was a game and you,
The Queen, reveling in your mastery of it,
played with abandon and the carelessness
of one who has never known the truth of sorrow.

Confident within yourself, and in the rightness of your power,
you played with your puppets
and tossed them aside when the next pretty thing caught your eye.
For the desire of some sparkling token,
You used your power to have what you desired,
 and destroyed something of true worth.

Did you know it then? Or did you only discover it after?

Now you stand, in your silent isolation, as cold as the corpses you left behind,
Hooded and cloaked in darkness, seeing nothing, making no sound.
Your grief and despair wail unceasingly, surrounding you,
filling your cavernous Temple of Sorrows,
moving upon the rushing waters swirling continuously at your feet.
These are your powers, your sorrows, your purpose.
These are your children and your treasures, this sound and this temple.
Here in the Abyss you reign as Queen.

You followed me for lifetimes, unseen, unknown,
lifetimes more have I carried you.

The time has come to bid farewell,
But my heart is reluctant to lose you. 
For what if, without you and your sorrow,
my heart is empty, or I have no heart at all?
You have been my companion, a part of me, for so very long,
how do I abandon you forever?
Will I still know myself without your sorrow in my soul?

 I must let you go,
I must cut the thread that binds us.
Unless I do, we will always dance together in the darkness.
I must step forward into my purpose, my future,
Into my power, and the light.
You have taught me well through time of many lives. 
My heart and soul will remember you,
even when I am free of your sorrow and your grief.
I promise you that what is remembered lives.

And maybe someday we will dance together in the light.

Friday, January 24, 2014

Falling into the fire...

I had a dream…
You were there, offering me all that I had once desired…
Offering me the chance to fall …
back into all the old patterns and habits of my past.
Offering me the opportunity to return to the veil,
that hides me from myself and from the light.
I woke knowing that I could not have you,
or risk returning to the shadows.

I told myself   “Do not fall in love with him.
He is too strong for you.
You will lose yourself again.
Do not fall in love with him.”
But it was already far too late…

I fell, Oh how I fell…
And I am falling still…
It matters not that you are not in love with me…
or that you cannot be.
It makes no difference that I am strong enough without you,
Or with you, or that I am not with you.
or that you wear the face of God, or that He wears yours.
I no longer know which, and it no longer matters.

For I am strong enough to love a God…
and to stand in the light.
I no longer need to hide behind the veil…
I can stand and fall and fall and fall…
And still I stand…

I stand in the light no matter how I fall…
The falling is no longer to be feared…
The fire inside your mind, your heart, your soul…
Sparks the flame within my own
Your body sets my own on fire
And so I fall …

into the magick of falling
in love with you…
and I stand in the light of the fire...
even as I fall…